The memory of the first time God called me and set His promise in my heart is as vivid as though it happened yesterday. I was an insecure thirteen year old girl strongly desiring to know my God and to hear His voice. At church camp He wooed me into His presence and answered my longing to know Him more deeply than ever before. In His presence He clothed me in His armor and shared His promises over my life. I was called to be a missionary, not to a foreign land, but to America. I was called to stir Christians to not simply believe, but to live lives of purity and integrity.
Being in ministry in America has been a more difficult task than I imagined. I assumed going to a Christian college would put me on the perfect path to fulfilling all my God-birthed dreams. I assumed that by my 30th birthday I would have a list of amazing achievements, all so very awe-inspiring. I do have achievements, not all very awe-inspiriting. Many leave me wondering, why God did you call me to do this?
Expectations fall flat in many cases, yet God does not change. His call has not changed. My own insecurities have been like a roller coaster with many twists and turns. There have been seasons of great confidence where I spoke and moved confidently in the skin God gave me. Other seasons I preferred to shrink back and stay behind closed doors.
So hear I am, confessing upon a screen that others will read. Yes, I’m insecure in so many areas—as a wife, as a mom, as a pastor, as a singer and worship leader, as a speaker. His calling, however, has won the battle. You cannot turn down something that is engraved upon your heart at the age of thirteen.
I invite you to follow my blog that I plan to update weekly. A new area of ministry will be monthly podcasts. God has been stirring something so deep in my heart that will do me no justice if I keep it all to myself. I am simply a messenger and His word will come through blogpost, podcast, speaking engagements, and music. Thank you in advance for reading and listening. I pray His word challenges you to go deeper, to fight your own insecurities, and to be fully set free as the women and men of God He destined you to be.
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